The day ever so bleak in darkness as the air pushes against the charcoal black curtains. To block out the light during mid-day in June, if you must ask. The cool air pushes against my face as the humming of the air-conditioniner marches on. The cats run through the room casting shadows on the buttermilk white walls. A single light in the room, ever so tiny yet enough to remind the hope that still exists. My skin pressed against the blankets, clinging on to the warmth. It feels like winter, yet far from it. The slow blinking light of a laptop put to sleep, waiting to run its computations in ones and zeros. On and off, yes and no, if only life were so simple. My thoughts bounce back and forth, never finding a landing. My cat jumps in the bed, purring louder than the noise from the air-conditioning. He comforts me as he sees the gloom in my eyes. Jumping into my blanket he finds solidarity, just as I do. We sit there thinking of the possibility of what hope we have. The sounds of the cars passing by make it seem like life is normal again. Yet the pandemic has caused my reality to shift, in my room I wait. The time will come when the choices to be made will be in the Sun. Where I can lay in the grass and gather the warmth to my soul. Where I can sit in the rain and feel every drop of rain crash against my skin. Someday soon. For now I will be like ice, waiting to be melted and flow once more.

It came as a thought, not to

The bridge of my mind, the intensity

Slowly I felt like I was loosing the reigns

To never feel the same as before

The anxiety is at bay, but my mind is lost

For hope is apparent but the withdrawal is numbing,

The senses of my reality mold into chaos as I don’t want to move

They break like thousands of glasses being destroyed

All my senses are heighten like someone was sitting on me the whole time,

My eyes feel like they cannot see straight

I cannot concentrate, the absence of the draw is overbearing my thoughts

How the pain is a headache that feels like it won’t go away forever

I just want my normality again.

Make this go away..

The bead that drops gently against the lily,

moving ever so slightly, it rolls down the plane

Lush green that you can smell in spring spreads across the water

Each to a post a point to levy a spot on the water

The green is met by the colors of spring, shaped a flower

This bloom to catch the droplets to satisfy, each quench

This lily is not alone, but a company of three

Each catching the drops of water, taking motion,

To cast a ripple across the pond, each bigger than the last clashing

Fighting the bombardment of water droplets,

To reach the edge of the long pond

The sun hides behind the rejuvenation,

All while I stare up at each drop falling

Droughted in merciless anxiety

The mind that plays tricks

The soul that reaches for the sun

Each day moving forward

The existence of a thought to be

Running far from fears behind you

To reach the soul and be reborn

To pick up the pieces from the crash

To move forward, to be alive

To look forward to the next day

The will to become better

The strength to be bold

The destination we chase

Letting go of the pain

We live to be free once more

We walk miles in life

We lay to rest our minds

To be moved by pulses of energy

We never take back what our thoughts give

To become one with ourselves

Each instance a movement forward

To banter the very sight of what lies beneath

A breath to take in the chaos

Pushed to the brink of racing minds

A thought to build us up

Or to tear us down

The plea to be heard

In the voice of our mind

Bring peace instead of frailty

Cast your demon aside

To total war we go

Lest the sun shimmers amongst the glass

The bitter cold hits each pane

Trying to break free from the silence

Feeling the warm of the morning sun’s embrace

Each flake forms the ice into a sheet

The perpetual dance of each layer

The scene turned white

Winter has found a home

On the window through I gaze

Looking for answers to my deepest thought

Here marks the end of a story

I do not know if I will see you again

I do not know if I will feel anything

I don’t know if I made the right choice

In the end I must stand for my own worth

I must not cave for my kindness

My heart does mourn

My soul does cry

Even when you left I still held on

You’re gone and it feels like a bomb went off

The light will return

But for now I remain in the shadow

Farewell

You pushed me away

Ignored the simplest thing

Lacking the communication

I feel falling far back into the oceans current

Drifting further and further away

From you

All you have to do is care

There is just silence in the wind

Being torn by both sides

Race matters to none

Divided by deference

Where character means nothing

I cannot match either side

Casted out it is lonely

A world where I do not fit in

A world where love never reaches my heart

A world where I am used for my kindness

A world where I feel I do not belong

A world where I keep my heart closed now

A world, dark and baron

A world where I live, alone

Forever drifting

Searching to be

The fight through the Storms

I will always swim to you

Where the tides begin

The moment we danced at the oceans edge, will always be with me EDC.