**Disclaimer : I do not feel this way anymore, these are old**

Her Wings Fly To Infinity
The light from the sun is as bright as the fire in my eyes
The Jeep as black as night, sailing through the wind
The color of red is to halt all movement on this road
Take hold for the restraints have broken free
The explosive collision is catastrophic beyond the suns heat
She breaks through the glass, as it tears her skin
Flying through the air, she land as if she was a giant who has fallen in war
The blood seeps out of the bones, she is given a chance to heaven
The two children cannot see the commotion, but feel it
Their souls cry out for their mother
How can this happen to them
Sister, stay with me, fight, stay with me
Please don’t give in, stay with me, we can fight together
Oh brother, why, I cannot stay, I am not strong enough
Sister I can be strong for both of us, don’t leave me here, stay with me
Brother, you must carry on without me; I am not able to go with you
Sister stay
Sister, do not leave me
Brother I will see you when your wings fly you to infinity
Sister, Sister
Fly as high as you can, don’t look back

The Man’s Guilt and My Innocence
Feel the pain you deserve, it is your right to have this so
Stand tall, you are meant to feel this guilt
The love you give, take it back, the child does not need it falsely
The pain you feel is justified; embrace it as if you own it
This is what you deserve; do not give this child love
For your injustice does not warrant the pity you seek
This child reminds you of your iniquities
You can shower the child in gifts and favors, yet it won’t ease your pain
The blame is not in the child, it is in you and you alone
You knew what was right, yet you executed with injustice
Your daughter sees your folly, but from beyond the sky
She sees your pain as well, and it is deserved
Embrace what you cannot undo
The child before you will not pity your decision
Your love for your child is interlaced in guilt
He will know your guilt and understand your pain
This doesn’t mean your guilt is an excuse for love
The child deserve more than your excuse
He deserves your love

Tormented

Rip the insanity from my bones and tear the flesh from my body. Bleed for me you say, take the pain and turn it against me. Look in my eyes and say you are dying. Drown me in your sorrow, gasp for the air you never deserved. Can you feel the pain inside you; let it torment you till you cannot take it. You think giving up and hiding away will stop this, you are mistaken. You can’t save anyone, let alone yourself. Embrace your tears because you are only getting started. Feel the fire, the intensity burns to destroy your every desire. Even if you have the will to overcome, you will not. The pit you have fallen and continued to dig over and over is inescapable. So, I laugh in your face and pull you apart, your soul is crying to be set free, yet there is not place where you can hide where you will not be found. Nothing is going to save you from this dark destiny you brought on yourself. You think that this pain is tolerable, well you we haven’t even scratched the surface. In time you will want to wish on death. He will not hear you because you are already dead. You have never been alive to see it yourself. Take in the fear, there is no harmony to lessen your pain.

The War

From dust till dawn, this rattling in the mind is forever cumbersome. To teach the mind to become stronger and gain the ability to carry this burden is a continuing battle till the end of his days. To begin to feel what might all the weight is measured by is an understanding of oneself and their experiences and doubts, fears, trials and tribulations. To be forever stricken from the texts of time, history will not cast light on this veil of darkness. To be forever in the shadows, he lingers in agony. Hiding his thoughts from the free world, they inch closer and closer to consume his Soul. Fighting back and forth, this tug of war is relentless and competitively undermining, entangled in the daily tasks at hand. Hiding and running away will only seek further destruction of the world he has created. The vast embodiment of his harmony is struck, blow by blow the walls that hold this happiness begin to crack. They unhinge the fabric of his future with tainted needles of his past. He always tries to find ways to repair these cracks, but with so little hands to mend the walls, the inevitable is approaching. What is the origin of these blows?

            When we look at the beginning, we are graced with a Soul risen from the dust and broken into life before he was meant to be. During the nurturing stage, he had company from a sibling. These two souls were given a bond like no other. Being torn apart, he gasps for air, shocked and still, this is the origin. The beginning of every experience to come. Hooked up to life support, only weighing two pounds, he cries out in pain. The feeling of loss surrounds the air, casting a dark shadow on the glow of his soul. Doctors scramble to keep the life in his Soul alive. These professionals determine, he will not survive. Cast out of his development, the probability for his life to end was at an all-time high. His Soul can hear the voice of his sibling as she leaves the earth. He felt betrayed, angry at the world for breaking the bond. His fight to live started that day.

            Fast forwarding to his first birthday, the time has come for him to feel the fear of death. Oblivious to the matter, he had no knowledge of this, only to learn about it in his future days as an adolescent. Pushing and pulling, his climb to feeling the desire to belong begins to intensify as he comes of age as a teenager. The feeling of rejection of his peers, plunges him into doubt and anxiety. He decides to detach his Soul from this mortal world and create his own reality where acceptance has no meaning. The shuttering light would warm his Soul and comfort him for the days to come. Having this rejected feeling from his own peers was just the beginning. His fight never really stopped, as the role models he looked up to for advice and acceptance only stood over him and crushed him down to the depths of the deep and dark earth. His medication to feel alive and accepted in this dismal world around him was conceived from his imagination and his ability to hide himself from the world.

            His Soul started to repair itself as the heavy medication of his mind began to mend the wounds from his childhood. Always looking forward with one eye and the other on the skulking darkness behind him, he was determined to not let it catch him. His dreams and desires were apart of him, the willingness to become great and honorable. As the days went by these dreams never left him, only became dull from the constant pounding from the darkness. His motive was to destroy the darkness, yet he didn’t have the strength to do so. This became apparent when, his Soul almost took a leap off a three-story building, the Remanence from that moment echoes throughout his mind, reminding himself how frail his Soul really is. Tempting him to just give in, the darkness continues its onslaught. He looks near and far to hide this darkness. Seeking out he tries to attach himself to others to have the feeling of love and safety, only to be struck down like the models of his youth. Oh, but don’t worry they said, someday never you will find what you want. Broken and in disarray, running became the only option.

            Out of options, he flees, running away from everything he ever knew. The hope of finding a new existence among the peers of his future built a foundation that may retake the darkness. This light would cover every inch of the heavens. Leaving behind everything, he sets out into the world. Knowing the harshness that it can provide, he is determined. Sailing rough seas and visiting foreign lands, gives him new perspectives on how this world is and can be. Giving himself hope, he can mold a new reality with people that may care about him. The years continue, still running away from the darkness his life is shades of light and dark. These illuminations are continuous, back and forth. Each rotation of this illumination grants him more and more wisdom on how to battle the darkness. The strength is heavy, crushing blows begin to feel like a brush of air hitting the sand in the desert.

            He realizes that being alone is better for him than to seek and be destroyed. The raging battles have made him become silent. The paranoia of death around the corner, never really escaped his mind. Every obstacle he overcame made him more aware, unrelenting but restless his determination never failed him. The will to keep living on was strong, even when life almost escaped his breath over and over. He no longer feared death, it was more the fear of living detached from the earth. Accepting that he doesn’t belong here, he gave up his needs. If he could not establish the very dream he gave himself, the reality he made, the hopes of his desire, then his efforts were better put forth to others. The emotional instability was too much for him to handle at times. The confidence he gave was pure and honest. There wasn’t a mask that he hid behind. There was no need for one. The pain would not allow him to sit in the corner and sulk in darkness. To do so, would let his soul be consumed in darkness and all the rage and hate he let go would come rushing back to destroy him.

            Not giving up on himself, in a way he found comfort in the darkness. To always keep him in check, to be the best possible version of himself. This became a part of his life he could not destroy. It would cut his very livelihood into pieces. It would be like shattered glass, each piece of him to be scattered among the stars. The ability to embrace the darkness without being destroyed was to reflect on the war of his life. The purpose was to prepare himself for the battles to come. His soul now in armor, his eyes shedding light, he is battle ready. Now to become victorious and either live on, or accept the death that was predetermined to him by destiny.

Forgotten

To become what we were meant to be is a measurement in weight. The willingness to be at our best is best described as a character of weight. To be given value you must first discover who you are and where you are in life. The addition of good and bad deeds determines our weight. To be given this value sets a social standard on how we want to be perceived. Can you say you are a good person in life when all you have done with your own is cause hate and pain? Can you erase all the deeds of your life to be forgotten without weight?

What does it feel like to be forgotten? Can you really erase your whole existence? Hide away my friend, don’t run away, and just hide. Take yourself and disappear into the void. What it feels like to never exist may be an answer you seek. To unfold the endeavors and inequities wouldn’t let you be defined. To not give up but rather cease to exists. Would that qualify as failure or quitting?

To leave and undo every experience may not change who you are, but it could let us become a shadow. Unhinged from society, darkened by the void, we can become nothing. If you don’t have weight than no one could see you. Can I hide in the shadows? Can I become invisible to every person who cared or anyone I’ve ever interacted with? If so, would anyone miss me, probably not? If I take all of my actions and turn them away, far away, would I disappear?

To uphold values and nobility you must do the right thing, what if the right thing is the wrong thing for you? Would it still be considered wrong? What if my whole life I’ve been wrong? Can I wipe myself from existence now? Would I be charged in blood? How long will I suffer for the things I’ve done? I cannot really be the best person I am meant to be if the weight of my past pulls me to the drowning abyss of darkness. If I cannot undo what I’ve done than I do not want to exist in this world. I want to become nothing.

If only it were so easy to wipe yourself from every persons memory and just fade away so no one can see you. The disappointment you may have become will never have existed if you destroy your very being. To understand this torture you have to have lived in my shoes for years. Is this letter of death, probably not, or it could be if existence seems to burden the weaknesses of my reality. Can this pain go away, probably not, will it, eventually. Although what if it doesn’t, would this be the end of me. I think being forgotten would feel better than to be known and hated and in pain. Can I shape the future to have my darkness pushed to oblivion, probably not? I think the darkness in my life will always follow me till I cease to exist. So what am I putting myself through all of this just to reach the end game of my destiny?

Can I erase my destiny and have someone else take over it so I wouldn’t have to wait so long to knock on deaths door? Maybe the pain I feel can be extinguished by showing up early to greet him. Will my spirit move on, where would I go? To feel so tormented and alone has been the pinnacle of my existence. So why does it matter if I wait till I am not able to move to meet death. Can this pain just go away without having to cease to exist? What if I don’t care anymore about my weight on this world? I think I have done enough to merit nothing pleasant. Do I deserve to become this nothingness, of course I do. Look through my veil and see what I really am. You would run too if you saw. I never wanted to become this person and hiding it doesn’t get rid of anything, it just deepens the wounds of who I am and intensifies the pain and anger inside. Do I blame people for this occurrence? Of course not, any action I have made in my life has been the choice of no one else except my own. So where does this leave me? Exist and be the sad piece of shit full of pain, anger, paranoia, hate and emptiness? Or would I leave everything behind and travel to the void where there isn’t pain or anything that would further the hatred of my existence. If you found this I wish you hadn’t read this, you may not understand why I am this way, but you would do the best to forget this and me for I am the void and do not belong anywhere, my existence is to be forgotten. I do not deserve any remorse or cherished thought or memories, I am a dark void that has ruined lives and deserves to meet death.